“Dude, it’s me. If anyone’s gonna judge you with kindness, it’d be me.”

Just what i needed. Why do i keep forgetting that i have these kinds of people in my life? Thankful, nonetheless :)

I used to keep my thoughts to myself. Never telling people the why’s and what’s of my life. Then people started to tell me to open up to them and share my thoughts and my stories and to not be afraid of being able to talk to them… But then they judge me. So now tell me, what the fuck does this messed up world want from me?

Lately I’ve been

• smiling a lot.
• craving for strawberries
• going to my physical therapy which is so boring 
• thinking of how my 3rd year in college is going to treat me.
• so attached to my phone i think it’s becoming like a bad habit that i need to break.
• watching One Tree Hill a lot.
• making decisions on my own.
• Lately i’ve been very very happy. 

:)

TAHDAY

Well today was productive! 

• Went early with my mom to Makati for my doctors appointment but stayed in school to kill time. Got my *tentative* GPA but not my Accounting grade still. Apparently my prof is “out of the country” pft
• Then went to Makati Med to have my check up. Going back to rehab for the second time because of my back….. no fun. 
• Back to school to hang out with these girls! Most of my friends are Educ majors and apparently they have too much required subjects that cannot be spread out in 4 years, hence the summer classes. 
• It was so nice seeing them and bonding over our Boracay moments and the newest apps on our respective iphone/itouches. HAHA
• Then was supposed to meet up with Ate Ikay but she had errands to run so i just went home, had a late lunch and took a nap. <3
• Then i woke up to the sound of rain which is… weird but kind of an answered prayer. Although not really because the rain makes the ground cooler which then gives off an even hotter singaw. Meh. 
• Then i went to the gym.
• Note to self: Never watch Cupcake Wars while on the treadmill. 

Aaand i’m out ✌

Life really doesn’t stop surprising you, does it? :)

Thank you. Thank You. 

Today i woke up wanting to yet again change the color of my hair. Then realizing it hasn’t even been a month since i last colored it. So, i decided to make a collage of how i have been torturing my hair since the start of 2012 instead. Ha ha ha

1.) Before 2012 started, i had my hair curled. But not permed. Just the traditional curling that wears off like six months after. I had really short hair to begin with, so when it grew longer and the curl started to wear off, it didn’t look nice so

2.) I had the curly part of my hair chopped off — literally. I didn’t care if it was layered or whatever which was a total mistake cos i looked weird after… 

3.) First time ever to have my hair colored. By this time, i had it layered as well. Now don’t ask me what colors i used because frankly, i do not remember them. There are just too many i mean come on. Copper brown light brown golden light brown golden copper brown W T F. Anyway, that was just brown. A lighter… golden… kind of brown. HAHAHA

4.) 2 months after i got it to a shade lighter. This was much lighter than the last one hence people telling me i looked Korean. Hahaha! I think this was more blonde than brown. I also remember i had this kind of crown of darker hair near my roots because since they were black when i got re-colored, the dye ended up being darker than of the ones below that came from the previous brown shade. It looked weird. 

From this point on, i went with the same shade whenever i have my hair treated.

5.) I got so busy with school that i really didn’t have time to go to the salon to have it re-colored so i stuck with it until my hair grew longer which i totally adored because i never really had my hair long before. It was always just a few inches below my shoulders. My hair color remained the same, it just doesn’t show in the photo but it was still very brownish-blonde. Sometimes kind of reddish too.

6.) By the end of the school year, i told myself if i wasn’t going to perm my hair then i’d go with something daring with my hair color. And so red it is! Not literally red cos i’d have to have my hair bleached for that and all…. but when the sun hits my hair it’s like a ball of fire (not really) and i’m absolutely in love with it. 

I think i’ll stick with the long hair for now. But i promised myself to have something new again when the school year kicks in. Besides, i can’t have my red hair in school. Pft. Maybe (finally) a perm? or a pixie cut? or full bangs? or a shaved side whatever you call it? Haha, the possibilities are endless! Can’t wait! :—)

N I N E T E E N

My birthday this year was definitely one for the books! I really can’t stress enough on how thankful i am for the past week — all the blessings i’ve received are just all so overwhelming hence i’m doing everything i can, thanking everyone i know to give back to the people who have made me just so extremely happy :-)

And since i suck at choosing which photos to upload i just made these,

Ta-da! Collages of how amazing my birthday was yesterday! Hahaha lame but anyway!

Things that happend on the 9th of April, 2013

• I turned one year shy from 2 decades.
• Someone surprised me minutes before my birthday with a balloon and a drawing of my face which is so cool because i don’t know how to even draw anything aside from stick people…. So beside from the effort of finding where my house is and not making my face too fat in the drawing, i really appreciate the trouble he went through. STRONG. HAHAHA i’d post a photo of it but i have to ask permission from him first. Maybe next time. Hahaha!
• Had like 4 hours of sleep then off to breakfast in Tagaytay with the whole family plus my dad’s brother’s family. Breakfast at Antonio’s was the chosen restaurant and homaygad they have the best hot chocolate ever! Their food and the restaurant’s ambiance was great as well. 
• Then we went to Picnic Grove but no we didn’t have a picnic. We just stayed there and watch Aidan make faces and blew bubbles and ate cotton candy and took photos of my dad’s attempt on pulling a “John Lloyd” HAHAHA
• And then we ate again. At this bulalo place my family always goes to. We never leave that place unsatisfied — that’s the least i can say.
• Then dropped by Nuvali on the way back and S&R for a quick grocery then home. I was basically drained from all the activities hence i had like a 3 hour nap in between BUT THEN
• My super sneaky friends surprised me <3 <3 <3 I was literally like “WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE” Hahaha but they were so cute and sweet and they made me blow out of a red velvet cupcake. Cutest friends award goes to them :—-)
• We had dinner then more people showed up. POCH OMG POCH MY BESTFRIEND WHOM I HAVEN’T SEEN IN SO LONG SHOWED UP. That made my day even more! Hahahah
• Then we had drinks, but not too much since most of them had classes the next day booo 
• And played I NEVER AND SPIN THE BOTTLE. Who said these games were lame hahahahahahaha all i can say is, there were a lot of unlikely confessions that happened last night hahahahaha 
• AND HAHAHAHAHAHA okay nevermind i just look stupid but the people involved last night will get why i can’t stop laughing hahahaha love you guys i think i’ll make a list of every dare and i never that happened last night just so i wont forget LOL
• Then when a few of us were left we reminisced about high school and wondered where our other batch mates were and the night ended with 
• “Do you guys realize that in a few years we’re gonna be working” “Then we’d be doing this in our own houses” “Then before you know it, our kids are the ones doing these” “Holy shit” 

Then, as all good things must come to an end, my 24 hours was up and i found myself counting 365 days again till my next birthday. 

Today definitely was both a celebration and a reminder to me that you go through extremes, both good and in bad, but you find people in either polarities and that’s what makes it bearable. I look back at the year i’ve had and the people in those photos are the reason why turning a year older is so worth it. 

Thank you again so much to everyone who came and shared my special day with me. Also to all who greeted through twitter, facebook, people who called and texted — your greeting made all these so much better.

Here’s to my last teenage year! Wow, i still haven’t thought of how to feel about that statement…. HAHAHAHA

Can you keep up?

Taking a break from doing nothing (just kidding i’m doing my papers for finals but that’s counted as nothing just because) and just venting out. In a few moments you will witness the most scattered brain i have so far so try to keep up

• Today i woke up. Slacked off and got mad at myself for slacking off so i took two cups of coffe
• Did you know that caffeine and I aren’t the best of friends?
• Yeah, we aren’t. I ended up having cold sweats, droopy eyes, numb everything and a love-hate relationship with everything around me.
• So i decided to work on my planner instead because i haven’t in so long
• But i ended up looking at my old planners and re-reading old letters
• I started crying — a lot. A lot that it surprised me because i haven’t cried like that since December 27, 2012.
• And then so i came across a letter and read it and damn do things make more sense now.
• It does. make. so. much. more. sense. now.
• And so i cried again.
• And ended up talking to my friends, first with Steph then Ate Ikay. 
• Me and Ate Ikay started to talk about things which just led me to crying more while
• Steph made me laugh so bad it was like i was crazy because i was crying AND laughing at the same time. Hah
• But then things died down and more friends came to check in on me and i felt so loved because i literally have the best friends ever. Ever.
• And then i remembered that they were counting the ballots again for the elections tonight and so that got me all riled up a little again. 
• Plus i have 2 more papers + 3 more written exams to get this so called school over with
• Then i started thinking about summer and how the fuck i’ll be able to cope up with doing nothing at home since i suck at it because well it brings me to this 
• pathetically crying over something or someone irrelevant and useless.
• And no i don’t want to spend my summer that way.
• So i am dying to find any activities this summer whoooo
• This is by far the most sabog bullet-form-blog i’ve done
• Amen.

Early morning thoughts

Feelings: on

10:04am

I woke up today remembering you for some reason. It’s been a while since i last remembered how you were, how your face looks like, how you feel like. It’s been a while.

I got disappointed tho. Because i still felt a lump in my heart somewhere. I guess it never goes away. Or maybe i was disappointed because it still hasn’t. Tho none of these mean that i haven’t tried. It’s just these kinds of flashbacks that happen, none really longterm. I guess i’ve succeeded in that. 

I can’t help but remember how everything was. In my head it’s still all so real. Everything up to the last few months was nothing but happy and i still can’t clearly picture what happened, how it happened, why it happened… Why the last month had to happen. 

It’s true that i miss you. No, actually i don’t. I miss the feeling you give me. I guess something you get used to for that long has a knack for lingering in your mind.

I’m so proud of myself. For actually handling this all so well. I’m so proud of the days that i don’t even acknowledge you, days where i don’t think of you, days when i forget you. But hate myself on times like these.

So when this happens, after i have given myself ample time to think about you, i tell myself to stop. Get going and shut that little box of memory i have of you inside my brain. And that’s exactly what i’m gonna do in 3..2..

1.

Feelings: off

Weeknd

Saturday —

Me and my blockmates were sent to……. Manila Ocean Park! HAHAHA lame. It’s really nothing compared to the one in Hong Kong. Oh how i miss that place. So yeah anyway, we were asked to take 40 photos of different animals there for a requirement in my Natural Science class. i k r. 

I definitely chose not being able to feel my fingers for a few minutes over having to wear those stinky jackets they give you at the entrance to this ice world thingy. Bad ass. No? okay.

Probably the most entertaining parts of Ocean Park. Although i had to fetch some kids who were running around the jellyfish area. They were too noisy and i will not tolerate it. Besides, it’s annoying. Hahahaha

Meet Jam. She’s half cat, half person. 

Sunday —

My family is really big on the whole going-out-of-town-just-because kind of thing. So that’s exactly what we did, under my one condition — that the place we were staying in should have wifi because i needed to do school works (which i ended up not doing). And what do you know, it did! Score! So we ended up renting a place in Los Banos for the day, packed up food, drinks and clothes and off we went! 

My baby’s turning 2 in a few weeks! Oh how fast time flies.

Those peanut butter snickers are to. die. for. I honestly think i had a little over 5 of those bad boys. Hahaha

Hey, handsome!

We ended up going home at around 6 because of classes/work the next day. But overall, i’m so glad this weekend turned out the way it did. 

So, how was your weekend? :)